Of course, in the last week I have been thinking a lot about our late brother-in-law Will Caldwell. Our relationship was slow moving. We saw each other once or twice a year at family gatherings over the course of more than fifteen years. We had a bond based mostly on having married into the same family, and being subject to its quirks. The bond was strictly unspoken though– now and then at a choice moment, we made eye contact.
He always struck me as so competent. I remember his cooking– one time for a party he was meticulously putting together these appetizers that consisted of tiny red-skinned potatoes, cooked and hallowed out, then stuffed with chives and sour cream and topped with caviar and a chive garnish He always knew the right wine and brought out plenty of it.
He had a sharp sense of humor. Here are a few of my favorite Will quotes:
When describing a book he had read, he said, “It was so boring I wanted to scratch my eyes out.”
When describing Roseanne Barr, he said, “ She used to just be a normal disgusting fat person, but now that she’s had all that plastic surgery she IS TWO HUNDRED FIFTY POUNDS OF CHISELED FAT!”
When responding to my story of how Lena dog had been attacked by two beagles on the street , and how I threw Isaac into a snow bank and went to great lengths to break up the fight, which she was clearly winning, he said, “What I would have done is just taken Isaac home and put him in his crib, then walked slowly back and said, ‘I will now help you bury your dog.’”
At Ben’s younger sister’s wedding Will and I both had to read a passage in front of a lot of people. While we were driving to the wedding, I said, “If I didn’t have to read, I’d be feeling fine right now. I’m just going to a party, so what’s the big deal? EXCEPT for the reading part.” “I feel exactly the same way,” he said. This surprised me because he always seemed so incredibly confident to me and able to do anything on earth. Afterwards, I asked him how it went. He said, “Well, I got up there and I forgot how to breathe."
One thing Will did that was really nice– after we lost our baby Jacob in 2001, we didn’t see Will for several months. But when we saw him at a family party, he just came over to Ben and put his arm around him. He didn’t say anything, but with that gesture said a lot. He said in effect, “I know you’re hurting over it, I haven’t forgotten it, and I care about you.” This meant so much to Ben at that time. It really was touching.
We will miss him. Here’s his obit in his hometown paper: http://www.legacy.com/tcpalm/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=86446108