He is an alien, from the planet X. O.
That explains a lot.
I mean, would any child of mine use an "inappropriate finger gesture" at school? Refuse to complete any work whatsoever, nor sit down, nor refrain from jovially kicking, hitting, poking and tickling the other children? Surely not!
He has discovered the truth about himself during a somewhat rocky transition to the first grade… his new teacher has high expectations. And, as he has been with every major transition in his life thus far (see the first six months after Elias was born, for example) he's out of his gourd. One hopes it's temporary. On the good side he's bonding with his little friend Jens (Swedish J, pronounced Y)… who actually as luck would have it is also from X.O. During the times they are not working at school they talk about their shared history. Indeed, they are twins! But I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's what we know so far about the planet:
- It's in the Andromeda Galaxy (which is poised to collide with the Milky Way sometime in the not-so-near future)
- Its atmosphere has lots of pressure
- Regular Earthlings can't breathe there, but XOians like Jens and Isaac can (regular Earthlings will go unconscious)
- The surface is red and desolate now like Mars and there are lots of volcanoes, but it used to be green and beautiful like Earth
- It's hot there all the time, and alternates a half year of daylight and a half year of night
- There is an enemy race that lives in the volcanoes, called the Vilgax (pl.). They have green skin and big black eyes, with octopus-like heads and tentacles
- The regular XOnians are greenish brown and catlike
And here's what little we know about Isaac's true biography:
- He and Jens were newborn twins when the planet was set to explode and reform. To save their lives, their father (a scientist) sacrificed himself, put them in a spaceship to Earth. They emerged through some sort of portal.
- They landed in Cleveland at the same time I was in the hospital giving birth. Jens found his way to his family somehow. At our hospital, the babies were switched– my baby went to another family, and Isaac, fresh from the spaceship, was given to me instead.
- Isaac's real XO name is Buckarin; Jens's real name is Buckasol; and Elias's real XO name is Tutarin. (I get the feeling Elias isn't really from X.O. at all, but Jens and Isaac are tolerating him.)
- Isaac has a birthmark on his chest, which is the map of his country back on X.O. (We've traced it– sort of rough-edged continent with one deep bay and a large island off the coast.)
- If you cut off Isaac's arm, you would find electrons and a few drops of blood. He's also part robot.
- They have a space ship waiting for them in Africa, although Isaac is not sure of the country. At some point, when they are ready to return home, they will go and find it.
- On X.O., eating carbs and sugar makes you strong and healthy, with sound white teeth and big muscles.
That part especially rings true, as Isaac is a staunch carbotarian, who refuses to ingest protein nearly all the time. Somehow he sustains life, but i"m not sure how. Perhaps this is his alien nature and I should just accept this as a solution to the mystery.
This brings me to Isaac's motto. Maybe like me you didn't realize he even had a motto. But he does.
A few weeks ago we were out for dinner. Isaac was ordering when he suddenly declared, "I don't like Pa's motto!" I said, "Oh, what's Pa's motto?"
He said, "Eat what you order!"
We discussed this for a little while, the pros and cons thereof, and then Isaac announced, "Wanna hear Nana's motto?"
"Sure," I said.
"Work hard and be friendly!"
"Oh," I said, "that's a very nice motto. I think I'll adopt it myself."
"Wanna hear MY motto?" he asked.
"Okay," I said.
"NOTHING BUT SUGAR!" he declared.
Words he truly attempts to live by. We will put it on a banner, and he can fly it all the way back to X.O.