I don't feel at all like Jimmy Buffet. I am not living in Margaritaville, as promised. Actually I feel more like David Byrne. Less pothead, more speed freak. But even that exaggerates it. I'm honestly feeling… okay.
I started on Saturday night with a little tiny green capsule that represents a major change in strategy. I took it as directed at bedtime, after a meal containing protein. They are starting me on the lowest possible dose, and still the initial twelve hours were pretty intense. I felt like i had had about ten cups of coffee. My heart was overly loud and emphatic as I was trying to go to sleep. And sleeping was no easy feat. I slept badly from midnight to 5:00 a.m., and then finally got up. I felt something like a caged animal, pacing back and forth in the kitchen.
But I knew there would be some start-up issues. And the package is covered with ghastly side effects, including bold type warnings about the risk of suicide (really in children, teens and young adults) and how PATIENTS USING THIS DRUG NEED TO BE WATCHED. I looked up the clinical trials, though, and the numbers were reassuring. The incidence of actual suicide attempts on this drug were less than 1/1000. And you have to remember that most people are prescribed it for depression, so, the person might have been pretty troubled anyway. So far I haven't had any untoward impulses or thoughts of self-destruction of any kind. I'm just dealing with a little bit of the insomnia, nausea and lack of appetite.
Meanwhile, there's the steady question running through my mind: am I less dizzy? Is it working?
It's only day three, but I can tell you this, I walked up to the mailbox on Sunday, feeling good, steady and refreshed. I did not need to lie down for a half hour afterwards, either. I've noticed that when I stand up, I'm braced for the momentary darkness and spinning that I've grown so accustomed to, and it doesn't seem to be there. Or much much milder. I feel that I have quite a bit more energy. I need to lie down less, and can be up and around much longer. It looks to me, too, that my blood flow is better. My fingers are pinker and more normal looking (not shriveled and bloodless), and overall I feel warmer.
I'm afraid of hoping too much and being cast low again by another disappointment, but I do feel hopeful. Let's just give it a week and see, but I think the trend is promising.