I started the double Cymbalta on Saturday (from 20 to 40). I expected that it would make me groggy at first, and indeed I spent all day Saturday flat out in bed. I slept, and hazily watched things on the computer. (On my new Air I can get those Netflix "play it now" things to work, and so suddenly the entire world is at my fingertips.) Sunday, slightly better: I only needed to sleep for three hours in the afternoon. Obviously I did this over the weekend on purpose so that Ben could herd the children while I went into my special haze. Monday I had a bad afternoon trying to manage Elias while totally grogged out. Tuesday, down to a one-hour nap. Wednesday, just a half-hour lie down without really sleeping. So… the trend is good. Today let's see if I can go straight through.
But now I'm getting a cold, and it's clogging up my ears and making me dizzy. At the same time, my druggedness is making me feel just hazed out. Like I'm content to sit and stare at nothing for long periods of time. It's sort of like being in an opium den in that it's relaxing and rather pleasant, but the laundry does tend to pile up in cases like this, and getting dinner on the table seems to take extreme effort. I wonder if it's more like this for me than for others because I already have certain genetic proclivities for sitting and staring at nothing?
In any case, I'm hoping HOPING that soon I will get my footing with the new dosage and will begin to function normally with less dizziness and no headaches. I think in retrospect that I was consuming small amounts of supposedly safe white chocolate each day, as not-too-effective compensation for the dark chocolate I can no longer rely on as mother's little helper. However, I was finally forced to face reality. I think white chocolate gives me bad headaches and I have to stop. Is there nothing I can eat in this world?? ANother example, I have been under the impression (from my migraine bible "Heal Your Headache" by David Buchholtz) that nuts were bad and seeds were okay. So I made a lateral move from peanut butter to sunflower seed butter when this all started. Then just recently I noticed that the list the neuro gave me had both nuts and seeds on the red light list. Suddenly I had to question the firmament. And while some lists say to limit fermented dairy (e.g. yogurt) to 1/2 cup a day, other say all dairy must go! Thus I am back in the frustrating position of fearing all food and trusting nothing.
On plus side I tried a small amount of lemon juice the other night and seemingly was fine. If I can have a little bit of citrus, cooking will be a lot easier.
Oh, well. This is the sort of thing you have to deal with as a bona fide migraineuse.
Have I mentioned how cute Elias is lately? He has the sweetest speaking style. He can't do consonant clusters at the beginnings of words, and he can't do the "g" at the end "ing" words. So something like "swing" will come out "fin." ("I wanna fin, fin, fin!") And "wing" is "win." The other day he was saying, I thought, that with his flashlight he would "look tough." But when I repeated that back to him he only got mad. At a stop light I turned around to see if I could figure out what he was talking about. He was licking the flashlight, and saying he could "lick stuff." So pleased when I understood. Another thing he does is explain something to me, crossly, because I'm dense, and then ask, "understand?" But he says it "UNNERTAN???" So now I say then when I explain something firmly to the kids, "UNNERTAN??" It's a good final punctuation mark at the end of any statement.
And the garden update. … To fence or not to fence? WIthout a fence, surely critters will come and eat everything. From tiny moles and voles, to rabbits, groundhogs, and on up to deer. Almost to the point that planting anything without a fence is an exercise in futility. However, the DIY fences look lame, look temporary, tend to tip over here and there, and are unattractive. Bt I suppose they work. Then again, I had a real fence guy out here this morning to give us an estimate on a nice, solidly built split rail fence lined with wire and a beautiful picket gate. This would be wonderful! And a permanent part of the landscaping for years to come. But, oh, oh, it's COSTLY. Really costly. This is the dilemma of home ownership. Yesterday, biannual septic pumping. Today, fence estimates and stump grinding. Gotta get the car door fixed and the pergola repaired where a tree crushed it.
I guess even though I do feel in a drugged out haze, things are proceeding apace anyway, except the laundry, which, like the universe itself, seems to be infinite.