Christmas Lists

I know it's a federal offense to open other people's mail, but in the case of Santa letters from my children, I'm forced to make an exception. Instead of mailing them— shhhh– I've opened them. (Both written by Isaac, as Elias can only write a few stray letters at this point.) (I should add that Isaac wrote this with an unsharpened quill on parchment paper with a real bottle of ink. It's kind of tricky to decipher.)

This is Isaac's letter:  

Dear Satu

asufisticaed

camishreset

OQuomanpowrs(pstac)

if posublaroc

bril. cabonifris

grennowsISAAC

withAnumals 

Translation: Dear Santa, A sophisticated chemistry set. Aquaman powers (PS, and Tank) if possible. Rock drill. Carboniferous greenhouse, with animals. Isaac.

He made a major point to me to say that re the Aquaman powers he added, "If possible." I mean, to not be greedy and to be fair to Santa. Only later did he realize that he would need the room-sized water tank to live in also, and tucked that phrase above the line. I asked him about the carboniferous greenhouse and he explained that he wants a full-sized greenhouse (me: that you can walk into? him: of course!) full of carboniferous era plants and animals, many of which are of course extinct! This is a tall order for Santa. We are getting the chemistry set, although still struggling with which one and what kind. We got an Aquaman book and an action figure. (I suppose Santa could write an apology or explanation about this issue– no tank and no powers.) The rock drill is a little thing he saw in a catalog to drill small rocks into beads for jewelry and so is reasonably doable. But the greenhouse?? That will not fit in the sleigh, even if we could get extinct ancient life forms to fill it.

As for Elias…

FlYPowrsRmot

CunchrolFlyand

Spitreand

girOcoPtr

Elias

He simply wants, "Fly powers, a remote control fly and spider, and a gyrocopter." I actually think Elias has no idea what a gyrocopter is, nor do I, but it's something Isaac wants himself and prompted Elias to put that in. Now, the remote control spider is something we saw in a catalog and is easily done. Supposedly it can walk on walls! I haven't found a remote control fly, although there do seem to be some dragon flies out there, and perhaps that would do. But the fly powers (which are what– the ability to fly? See through compound eyes? Taste with your feet?) are going to be impossible.

The problem is that there's an internal inconsistency in the Santa story, and Isaac has decided to exploit it. If Santa is so magic that he can get presents to every child in the world in one night, why isn't he magic enough to provide these fantastic things?

Good question!!

I'll get back to you on that.