The implications of my conversation with my OB on Thursday became clear a few minutes after I last posted, when I learned online that 98-99% of babies at 37 weeks DO have the lung maturity needed to be born. Most people consider 37 weeks full term, although I guess it’s more traditional to consider 38-42 full-term (i.e., your due date plus or minus two weeks.) So that means to me that this lung maturity test that I’m having in the early morning iight tomorrow will most, most, most likely be positive. Which means that soon after the results (which take only an hour or so), I’ll have a c-section!
So that means that this is my last day pre-baby. I’ve been at loose ends much of the day trying to figure out something worthy to do with it. But what is worthy? It’s hard to say. Again I feel this hurricane metaphor coming on– like I can see it on the radar screen, but at the moment outside my window it’s calm and sunny. This is such a dark sort of metaphor for having a baby. (Or the eve of battle? by the fireside the night before St. Crispins day…? we few, we happy few…) But I think I’m really talking about the surgery more than the baby. I’ve been trying to go around noticing and appreciating the pain-free regions of my body. The non-staples across my low abdomen. The non-IV sites in my arms. The non-nausea from pain medication and the non-soreness of my soon-to-be-poor nipples. I’ve tried to sleep in long, wide stretches, uninterrupted. But also the baby part is not a walk in the park for the first few… weeks? Months? Depends on the baby, I guess. I am banking on an EASY one this time, having paid my dues already! I am reassured by those who tell me emphatically that NO TWO ARE ALIKE, and “you never get two from column A.” This to me translates to a much easier ride this time.
Reasons it will be easier: (I list them to reassure myself):
1) This baby is over a week farther along, meaning that it’s much bigger and ready to be born.
2) This pregnancy has overall been a lot calmer for me, so if indeed gestating in a sea of stress hormones does have an effect on the baby (science is divided on this question), then this one should be calmer.
2a) Doesn’t it make sense that if Isaac takes after the more high-strung/high energy side of his family (Ben’s) this one will take after my side? I mean, a little more low-key? A good sleeper?
3) Last time I spent about three brutal months casting about for my “mothering philosophy” while reading a cacaphony of conflicting books. This time I know full well that I’m in the “attachment parenting” camp. I need not bother myself with sleep training, cry-it-out-ists, bottles, formula or cribs. I am more a co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand, baby-wearing, type mother. I’m confident that this is the right way– for me– to do it and I need not be confused or swayed by those legions who disagree.
4) Chances are good that this one won’t have a tight frenulum, i.e. a slight birth defect of the tongue that it made it so hard for Isaac to nurse or eat by any means and required him to be fed arduously by a tube for the first month.
4a) After breastfeeding Isaac for two and a half years, I’m a pro at it. So at least ONE of us will know the scoop. (It’s very hard when both parties– mom and baby– are equally clueless.)
5) This time I’ve been able to do a much better job of gathering resources and items that I will need. Ducks are in a row around here! At least as much as they humanly can be.
6) I had some bad luck last time having a serious abdominal infection develop a month after the surgery, which led to a round of hard-core antibiotics, which lead to a round of thrush. (I read one time the experience of having thrush, a yeast infection on the nipples, is like “having broken glass in your breasts– and then someone bites on it!” I will attest to the truth of this…) But this won’t this time! I mean, what are the chances?
7) Being born in late September instead of late October gives us a better shot of having some outside time before being sequestered for the winter. Also Isaac was immune-impaired and we had to be hyper-vigiliant about not taking him out, whereas this one hopefully won’t be. (We took some risks now around that first Christmastime that chill me to the marrow in retrospect. This after having seen Isaac battle RSV as a big healthy 14 month old rather than a tiny newborn. What if he had gotten it then?? Not knowing about his asthma? We were so stupid!!)
8) I will have Team Barbara to help for the first couple weeks– Barbara the doula and Barbara the wonderful aunt from Wisconsin! Last time I knew only that a baby nurse made no sense for me with the above-mentioned parenting style, but I didn’t know what instead I actually needed– help with everything else in the house not directly baby-centric! Team Barbara will be able to set us on the right path at least.
9) I know what’s coming in a much clearer sense. I’m as ready as anyone can be to face it all.
10) I won’t have to ALSO deal with the pure shock of suddenly being responsible for 100% of the needs of another human being on this earth. I know what that’s like already. It’s charted territory.
There. That’s a nice round ten. Such a good roster of improvements. It WILL be easier. Mantra. Repeat.
And of course… let me add the excitement part. The part about– is it Sassy Lassy or Sassy LADDY? What will it look like? Red hair this time? Any hair? Dark eyes or light? Will it get close to seven pounds? (Again, avarice…) What sort of PERSON will it be? ?? I’m about to meet the baby face to face after knowing in the abstract sense of sharing my body with it and carrying it everywhere lo these nine months and more. That’s really monumental!
So. Tonight Isaac is sleeping with over at his grandparents. Thank goodness– we have to leave the house by 6:15 a.m. tomorrow and if there were ever a night that being up with Isaac at all hours (due to a nightmare or something like that) would be inconvenient, this is that night! Ben and I are going out to a nice, final dinner together and then hopefully to a good night’s sleep. And then… we’ll see!
There’s that nagging 1-2% chance that for some reason I’ll be sent home sans baby because the lungs are not ready after all. But so unlikely. No need to dwell on that.
I’ll post if/when I can. I’ll be at Hillcrest Hospital, presumably all week, part of the Cleveland Clinic. hillcresthospital.org. They have a “virtual nursery” online where they post the newborns, photos and basic info without last names. I’ll see how that works also, it might not be immediate… Farewell!